Trust is a fascinating thing. You can’t see it, count it, put your
hands on it – but its presence or absence is key to success. And this is
true both personally and professionally: in most of the failed
marriages and failed business relationships I’ve seen, lack of trust has been at least part of the problem.
When we think about trust, we most often put it in the context of
whether or not we think others are trustworthy (e.g., do we trust our
spouse, our boss, our elected officials.) But I’ve come to see that
it’s difficult to trust someone who doesn’t trust him or herself – and
that’s it also difficult to trust someone who doesn’t trust you.
For example, when leaders
don’t have faith in themselves – in their perceptions, their fitness
for the job, their decisions – their followers see this, and it feels
unsafe to completely commit. (“If he doesn’t think he’s right – should I?”)
But sometimes leaders trust themselves too much – that is, they have
much more faith in their own experience, skills, smarts, and insights
than they do in anyone else’s. Following that kind of leader is only
appealing if you’re OK with not really having a voice in the process,
and simply being instructed what to do all the time.
Over the years of working with great and not-so great leaders, I’ve
come to see that truly excellent leaders live in a very interesting
sweet spot of trust: they have enough trust in themselves to totally
commit to a point of view, a decision, a course of action. And
they have enough trust in others to be open to hearing about and deeply
considering alternative points of view, decisions, and courses of
action.
Because so many of us seem to have a hard time staying in that sweet
spot of leadership (either we don’t trust ourselves enough, or we don’t
trust others enough), I thought it might be useful to share what it
looks like day-to-day when a leader is living in that space. So, when
leaders have the right balance of self/other trust:
1. On important issues, they gather input, then decide.
Leaders who distrust others don’t gather input; leaders who distrust
themselves don’t decide. Trusting leaders rely on others’ knowledge and
opinions to get a complete picture, and they’ll also ask those around
them what they feel is the right approach to take. But at the end of
the day, they know the buck stops with them, and that they need to make a
decision. Too many times I’ve seen leaders waffle and agonize about
making important decisions until the window of opportunity has passed,
and there’s a negative impact on the organization. These leaders often
characterize their indecisiveness as “collaboration” – but I see it as a
lack of faith in their own ability to make the best decision possible
under the circumstances.
2. They stand by their decisions – until they shouldn’t.
Leaders who distrust others tend to stick to their bad decisions…even
when they’re clearly bad. Leaders who distrust themselves tend to
abandon their decisions at the first sign of pushback or difficulty.
Strong-trust leaders remain committed to their decisions, once they’ve
made them. They move away from a decision only when it is clearly not
having the intended outcome, and then often in response to information they’re getting from those around them.
This is where trust in others is so important: it’s easy for leaders
who trust themselves to become so committed to or enamored of a decision
that it’s hard for them to see clearly when it’s not working. It often
takes hearing someone else’s more dispassionate and less emotionally
invested feedback to see the error of your ways. And if they do have to
change a decision…
3. They take full responsibility – without beating themselves up.
Leaders who distrust others tend to blame those people when decisions
don’t turn out well. Leaders who distrust themselves castigate
themselves – often publicly – for their errors. Leaders who trust both
themselves and those around them really shine when something turns out
badly. They acknowledge that it was their decision, they apologize well,
they say what’s going to happen differently, and they move on. It’s
painful to see a leader who’s untrusting of others when things head
south. They tend to throw everyone they can get their hands on under
whatever bus is driving by: “she didn’t tell me that we couldn’t…”, “he
never really supported the decision…”, “they didn’t do the needed…” It
demonstrates a huge lack of trust – and it comes across as cowardly,
self-serving, and untrustworthy, as well. It’s almost equally painful
to watch leaders who don’t trust themselves in these situations: they
rake themselves over the coals, apologize over and over, question their
fitness for the job. I’ve often heard leaders characterize this
self-flagellation as “humility”, but I see it as self-indulgence…and
it’s scary to followers. (“If she thinks she’s an idiot, then maybe….”)
4. They take credit AND share credit. When
decisions turn out well, leaders who distrust others take all the
credit; leaders who distrust themselves take none of it. I’ve observed
that when great leaders respond to congratulations on a job well done,
it’s almost always with some version of, “Thank you so much. And I couldn’t have done it without my team.” In
contrast, when leaders who don’t trust their folks get congratulated –
their response makes it sounds as though they did it all singlehandedly:
“Thanks – I worked really hard to make that happen.” And leaders who under-trust themselves tend to immediately deny any part in the success: “Oh, it wasn’t me – I’m sure I just got in the way; my team did all the work.” The first comes across as self-aggrandizing, the second as self-denigrating.
Today, in conversation with someone about her boss (a person we both
like and trust a lot), I noted, “He has just the right amount of ego.”
I meant what I’m talking about here: he trusts himself enough to be
bold, decisive and clear - and he trusts others enough to listen,
reflect and collaborate. Living with you in that sweet spot of trust as a
leader feels strong and safe to your team, and supports all of you to
do great things together.
Erika Andersen
Contributor
http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaandersen/2013/12/06/great-leaders-trust-themselves-and-you/#!
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